Perfection Can't Bring You Love

When I think of someone who is perfect, I think of the character, Breen, in the tv series, Desperate Housewives. She has the perfect home, perfect job, perfect posture, perfect hair, perfect grammar, perfect warddrobe and she's the perfect neighbor.

She's perfect on the surface, but as fans of the show know, her family and love life are far from perfect.

In Kristin's blog "The Perfect Girlfriend Traits" she lists the top 10 traits guys are looking for in a girlfriend. Wow, this girl sounds pretty perfect! She's everything you would want. However, perfection does not mean there's an emotional connection…far from it. The emotional connection can only come from being human. Perfection equates itself to a robot.

This reminds me of an episode, "The One with the Secret Closet" from Friends in which Monica's not-so-perfect side is revealed to her fiancee, Chandler. Chandler can't figure out why Monica doesn't have any extra stuff. Where's all her junk? There's a locked door in her apartment. Chandler finds the key, opens the door and sees a closet crammed with Monica's stuff. Monica is mortified that Chandler knows her secret. She's not "perfect Monica." She soon realizes Chandler's love is not predicated on her being perfect. He loves all of her including her imperfections. It's her imperfections that make her lovable. She's not "perfect Monica" (to his relief) and he can relate to her.

In Chapter 19 in the book "Calling in the One," Reclaiming the Disowned Self speaks about perfection and love.

The residue of childhood's magical thinking, coupled with idealism of adolescence, keep us seeking perfection in ourselves and others—rejecting our human frailities and flaws as inferior and unworthy of love. But seeking perfection is actually the antithesis of love. For love, by definition, happens when it is safe to be flawed in the presence of another.

Intimacy requires us to offer, and receive, authencity and truth. Therefore, the ability to be in full possession of all aspects of ourselves—our good as well as our bad, our attractive as well as our unattractive qualities, our lightness as well as our darkness—is absolutely imperative for love. The capacity to be fully oneself is a necessity when it comes to creating love.

How liberating it would be to stop hiding behind a mask, to express all of yourself, the good and the ugly, and be loved!

Feeling safe is the key to sharing my flaws; otherwise, I'm in "protective mode." I'm wearing my facade, my armor, to protect myself from getting hurt.

It's quite a challenge, but a necessary step to finding true intimacy and love. Opening my heart to embrace and reveal my ugly side is the first step. "This thing of darkness I acknowledge as mine," wrote Shakespeare. 

I think it's worth the risk of rejection, don't you?

'Tis better to have loved and lost
Than never to have loved at all."

—Alfred Lord Tennyson

category: general
tags: love men relationships singletease women

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